this was for an aquarium
earth sign antics
my hero
I was worried that the cleaner might have lost her job over this, but apparently the company that employs her stood up for her and said she was just doing her job.
Now I can comfortably lol.
god bless you lady cause these white ppl out of hand
If modern art is supposed to challenge the viewer by posing the question, “What is art, really?”, it needs to be prepared for viewers to answer that question.
Art: what is art, really?
Cleaning Lady: not this
Did I ever tell u guys about the time my ex legitimately thought he killed me with his dick???
Ok so picture this I’m 18 and excited about sex, trying out some new positions. We are having sex in a pretty similar position to this
And my pussy is so wet it might as well be a god damn Slip N Slide ok. And he’s pounding at it fast and hard but slips out and goes to go right back in… But something is wrong. He’s about to enter….
The. Wrong. Hole.
And my eyes widen, I go to shout “noooo!!!!” But it’s all happening too fast. He thrusts right into my unlubed asshole and I scream like murder and leap right up onto my feet.
We had only been dating a couple of months at this time and there was something very important he did not know about me: I am a chronic fainter. If I’m in pain or if I see my own blood, I will pass the fuck out. I get real quiet and turn to him and say, “I am going to pass out.”
He doesn’t know I’m serious, he thinks I’m just being emotional, and he’s like “no baby come here” but as he finishes that sentence i faint and my head ping pongs off my metal bed frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole body falls on the ground.
He has never seen anybody faint before and naturally assumes I’m dead. A couple minutes later I awaken to him sobbing into my naked chest. Like this motherfucker really thought he sent me to the grave with some accidental anal sex.
SIMONE I AM YELLING
😂😂😂😂😂
big alan did nothing wrong
i like how this is written like an american 1950s radio personality telling an ambling story
this is such a powerful example of how tone and phrasing can be jokes on their own. if this guy wrote this like a normal person it’d be mildly funny but mostly a little sad but because he wrote it how he did it’s indescribably funny
if she couldnt respect big alan she wasnt the one for you
3:55am
i cannot believe op left out the best part, all of the fucking memes that came from this
